This is DMRnac the Magnificent, reporting to you this time from where the answers to certain questions have been hermetically sealed in a spaghetti sauce jar since noon today. No one, but no one (well ... maybe someone like Bill Parcells) knows the contents! Based on the questions, DMRnac will divine the questions. Are we ready? Proceed!

A: Boeing
Q: What is the sound a pogo stick makes?

A: Bering Strait
Q: What is Dale Earnhardt Jr. doing when he pulls out of turn 1?

A: Quarterback!
Q: What do you yell at the vending machine when it won't dispense the pack of gum you wanted?

May a crazed NFL punter dropkick your iPod through the uprights!

A: Sports Center
Q: What do you call the 50-yard line?

A: To the Bed, Bath & Beyond!
Q: How does Buzz Lightyear greet the morning when his alarm clock goes off?

A: Salary cap
Q: What does the Securities & Exchange Commission wish it had put on Richard Grasso?

A: Nokia
Q: What is your daughter's response when you ask her what kind of a car she wants?

A: Bits and bytes
Q: What do you get when you order California cuisine?

A: Multichannel integration
Q: What do you call the picture-within-a-picture function on your TV set?

A: Terabyte
Q: When you're ravenous, what do you do to that McDonald's quarter-pounder with cheese when you get it?

May the Super Size Me god of food take over your kitchen and ply you unmercifully with artery-blockers!

A: Antique restoration
Q: How do aging baby boomers refer to a trip to the hairdresser?

A: The longest yard
Q: What does the guy on your street with a riding lawnmower claim he has?

A: Nickel package
Q: What do you call a roll of five-cent pieces?

A: Draft pick
Q: What is your choice of Heineken, Fat Tire, Guinness and Yuengling?

A: Due dil (short for due diligence)
Q: When cooking a pasta dish, what do you do instead of oregano?

A: Instant messaging
Q: What is the effect of the one-finger salute?

A: Taxonomy
Q: How will George Bush balance the budget?

A: Tight end
Q: What do you feel when your pants are constricting?

May a corner blitz put your lights out!

A: Injured reserve
Q: What do you call it when a vintner's special blend of grapes is subpar?

A: Six Sigma!
Q: How does the teenager who has been smoking a pack a day and tries to quit tell his mother he's slowing down?

A: Virus blocker
Q: What do you call a flu shot?

A: Phishing and pharming
Q: How does a seafood restaurant ensure that it can put salmon on its menu every day?

A: Jump shot
Q: How does a youngster try to dodge an inoculation?

A: Lance Armstrong, Elliott Spitzer and Bill Gates
Q: Name someone healthy, someone stealthy, and someone wealthy.

A: Toss sweep
Q: When cleaning the car, how do you get the broom to your husband on the other side?

And the #1 submission from a reader (Matt Ceniceros ... thanks, Matt!):

A: Open source
Q: What do you call a buffet?

Readers who have suggestions for DMRnac can send them to my e-mail below; each month I'll include the #1 item (DMRnac, and only DMRnac gets to choose). 

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