Okay ... you're getting used to the drill by now. DMRnac the Magnificent, once again pontificating, this time from Funk & Wagnall's Compact School and Office Dictionary's steps leading to its front porch (not the front porch itself), where the answers to some (admittedly obscure) questions have been hermetically sealed in a jelly jar since 12:30 p.m. today. No one, and I mean no one, knows the contents of these envelopes, yet DMRnac will divine, in his inimitable style, the questions. Can't wait to see them? Well, here goes ...
Q. What does an estranged couple go through?
Q. To whom do you entrust your car when you need to get the carburetor fixed?
Q. What will Merck say if and when it ever resolves all of its Vioxx lawsuits? (Maybe you need to be like me and have arthritis to appreciate this one.)
Q. What do you put in a stew to bring out the flavor of the meat?
Q. What do you get when you park de car in front of de fire hydrant?
May the bone of a gigantic turkey lodge itself in your throat and render you temporarily speechless!
Q. What do you call North America's Tulip Capital - Ottawa, Canada? (Didn't get that one? Google it.)
Q. What do teenage girls put on to go to the shopping center?
Q. Where does good etiquette say you should put your dinner napkin?
A. Total return
Q. What do you call it when Rick Upchurch used to field a kick and run it back for a touchdown?
A. Limited partnership
Q. What do you call it when you and your beau get engaged?
Q. What do you call dehydrated mashed potato flakes?
A. Alan Greenspan, Britney Spears and Jerry Seinfeld
Q. Name a geezer, a teaser and a pleaser.
Q. What do you get from 10 hailstones that hit the hood of your car? (I'll admit, you have to think about this one.)
May a feather tickle your neck while you're reading this so that you are forced to laugh!
Q. What is Lance Armstrong's role in a bicycle race?
Q. What do you call the side of the boat sheltered from the wind? (Hint: say it slowly.)
Q. What do you call that lemonade stand business that your two female siblings used to set up?
A. Mojito (a Cuban rum drink, for those of you not in the know)
Q. What do you ask for when you start to shiver?
Q. What do you call a former football or basketball player?
A. Fiber connectivity
Q. What service does a tailor provide?
A. Intel Inside
Q. What do you get when your spy has infiltrated the enemy camp?
May you receive a mushy pumpkin pie in the face if you don't laugh uproariously at this column!
A. Mutual fund
Q. What do you call a joint checking account?
Q. What describes the way Lou Piniella puts on his baseball hat?
Q. What do baby boomers going through a midlife crisis really think those expensive sports cars or Harley Davidsons are? (Okay, I'll admit this one was motivated by the reverence paid to our Honda S2000 by my husband.)
A. Prime time
Q. What do you call it when adjustable rate mortgages (ARMs) reprice?
A. Know the customer
Q. Where did Cap One get the idea for its David Spade TV commercials?
A. Auto fill
Q. What's a very expensive proposition at the gas station these days?
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